I find these amusing, but it's highly unlikely that anyone else will.
6 books on a topic + 5 classes = odds are 2-to-1 on lecturers assigning the same topic at the same time.
If you made the system foolproof you discover that everybody has suddenly become geniuses.
When 60% of your book order is back-ordered, you can safely bet that 90% of the back-orders are out of print.
A "missing" item will remain missing until the replacement you ordered is placed on the shelf.
Books will remain upright on the shelf until you go to place another book beside them.
You can be sure the student who has the most overdue books reads the least.
Students always require a 400 word article for a 500 word essay.
Change libraries frequently. It allows you to place the blame on your predecessor for anything that is wrong.
Make 17 subject headings for a book and you will find that you should have made 18.
If it's a good book, it's out of stock. If it's an excellent book, it's out of print.
No matter how many books you have on a subject the student always thinks they're all "too big".
If you have a system that works you must be doing everything wrong.
No matter how long you keep an article or piece of information you will never need it till you throw it away.
If you have lost one issue of a periodical there will be 35 students who will require that issue.
No books are lost except those that are most needed and hardest to replace.
The books you need the most always come from your worst supplier.
Every librarian should have a full-time aide. It allows you to put the blame on someone.
If everything's fine you're probably in the wrong library.
When you re-catalogue a book to correct an error, you automatically create seven new problems.
The thinnest books have the longest catalogue numbers.